Week Four

Week four of my journey back to school is a bit overwhelming.  Every so often after leaving school behind I’d wake up from a dreaded dream where I dreamt that I missed a homework assignment. The worst dreams were when I spaced writing a book report.  Each time as I awoke to the realization that I was only dreaming a wonderful feeling of peace followed acknowledging no such paper was due.  This week those nightmares have become a reality.  I can’t believe I’m back in school again with assignments to write book reports. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love reading books but purely for entertainment and the causal learning process only. I can’t believe I’m back to writing papers.  And to think I’m paying for this “opportunity”.    

I really enjoyed deconstructing my fears.  I’ve worked through those fears over and over again in my head for so many years. That’s why the mitigation part was so easy to formulate. I’ve looked at opening my own agency time and time again. I’ve had multiple offers to partner with existing agencies. Others have offered to front the entire startup costs if I’d bring my book of business, relationships and experience with me.  Marketing reps for insurance companies have assured I’d receive carrier appointments and that they wouldn’t even consider mine a scratch agency.  I crossed my T’s, dotted those I's, and completed all the X’s yet I never felt the urge or prompting to take the step.  Each time I hesitated due to the very fears I wrote about on that chart. I don’t want to fail my kids. My dad was in and out of work so often that I did not have a stable childhood. Most often we were poor, relying on church welfare and thrift stores. My parents tried their best to hide the financial struggles but all of us kids knew better. My siblings have taken a similar path. They too have maintained their same employment refusing to follow our dad’s example. It’s as if all of us independently decided stability for our children is the highest priority. I know it is for me and is why despite all the opportunities presented, I’ve never branched out on my own.  I don’t foresee that changing until my children can provide for themselves. 

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